Dear Abby: I want to distance myself from my abusive brother, but my elderly mother refuses

Dear ABBY: My parents live with me and my husband. I have a terrible relationship with my brother. He has always been humiliating, cruel and emotionally abusive to me. When my brother attacks me, he goes for the jugular. Whenever I have to have contact with him, I get so upset that I can’t sleep for days.

My husband and I have decided to cut him out of our lives, but my elderly mother won’t accept it. When I tell her I can’t see her, she shakes and cries for days. She says the family forgives anything and everything, and I just have to bear it. Is this true? – INJURY IN INDIANA

DEAR INJURY: Of course not! Stop telegraphing your plans with your mother and stay away from your abuser. While you’re doing this, remember that dear old mom is in charge of her own feelings, and her tears and tremors stop when she gets her way. You are an adult. You don’t have to please your mother. And relatives do not have to forgive the unforgivable just because they happen to be related by blood.

Dear ABBY: Recently, my wife, I and several other couples were guests in a large house. Among them was a couple who, when they introduced themselves, mentioned that their husband was a chiropractor. The next day, while we were all watching TV, my wife mentioned that she had discomfort in her neck and arms. The chiropractor offered to fix his neck and back and off they went.

After 30 minutes I got worried. After an hour, the other guests were raising their eyebrows. I checked the house and didn’t find them, but I didn’t look in the bedrooms with the doors closed. After 90 minutes, I quietly asked his wife where they were and she told me in their bedroom. I asked him to check them and they came right out. There was no scene, but I was bored. I was later advised that my stance on this was “inappropriate”. I would appreciate your opinion on the situation. – MADE IN GEORGIA

DEAR DUMB: I don’t think your attitude was inappropriate. You were uncomfortable because of your wife’s long absence with another man while everyone else was mingling. That the chiropractor’s wife knew where her husband and your wife were suggesting me, there was nothing to worry about, but your feelings were your feelings and under the circumstances, you were entitled to them.

Dear ABBY: I’ve caught a close friend in several lies, big and small, over the past few years. Before this, we were close, but as these lies have piled up, I’ve pulled away. I don’t trust her anymore and wonder how many lies she has. My question is, should I let the friendship die, or does it deserve an explanation? – TRUTH IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR TELLER OF THE TRUTH: If she asks why your relationship isn’t as close as it used to be, tell her the truth since you are the truth teller. Unless she initiates the conversation, I see nothing to be gained by confronting her and possibly creating a scene.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.